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Deer Park, WI

Please, people, dont take this seriously. I cant beleive I have to say this, but i do. Just something to keep you busy.

We present to you a brand new idea in growing that 4 digit fruit, our 1000lb consulting service. For a measly $100/hr, plus and arm and a leg, you will get the best advice and hottest tips in the giant pumpkin world. Take comfort in the fact that you will be getting top notch service from growers who have proven themselves in the patch. Just a sample of the exclusive information you will recieve:

-The *REAL* way to do milk injections, and why skim is better than 2%
-Grow 15 plants in an 400sq ft area successfully!
-why setting a fruit on every secondary is the best insurance policy there is
-step by step instructions on how to "rotate" your pumpkins while on the vine!
-Final answer to the argument "white vs tan"
-The #1 secret that all heavy hitters dont want you to know (oh, its true!!)
-proven methods of SVB breeding (you cant get this anywhere else, folks)
-nature's little pollinator: the cucumber beetle
-trading fakes: how to do it w/out getting caught
-make a fortune selling your seeds on ebay!

We guarantee that if you use our service, you will become a more knowledgable grower. You will learn exactly what not to do and how to prevent wasting your money on scams like this in the future. Each a valuble lesson, worth more than an arm and a leg itself.

10/30/2003 4:58:20 PM

Cornwall UK.(50N 5W)300ft.

Count me in,I wanna know the answers to all that stuff.

My first question is.

Now that I only have one arm and one leg left how do I stop falling over when I dig the patch?

10/30/2003 5:20:22 PM

South Hill, Virginia

Where do I sign up? I knew you guys were holding back something, thanks for making this information available to the common man.

P.S. Will you also present evidence on how the moon landing was faked or that Al Gore is really not a robot?

10/30/2003 5:21:12 PM

Leicester, NY

Dear 4 digit guys,
If I start my seed with the little pointed end up, will my whole plant grow upside down and if it does, will I have to turn it? Thanks a lot! Joe P.

10/30/2003 5:45:03 PM

Menomonie, WI ([email protected])

Wow and I thought I could call the both of you friends..You have been holding out..
I am sure Brigitte received some of this advice free, Otherwise she just had a lucky year. April must be on some kind of frequent advice plan also.. I dont believe it was a coincidence that the manure spreader just seemed to work better in her patch. She has already offered some of my body parts for an 898 Knauss. Shannon
"sleeping with one eye open"

10/30/2003 5:53:33 PM

Indiana

Why would Brigitte receive free advice from me? :-)

Tom

10/30/2003 6:28:14 PM

Cincinnati,OH

The best way to rotate a 1,000lber is to hold it still and let the Earth rotate under it.

10/30/2003 6:34:34 PM

what about that secret post back in 01..i'd pay a hundred to read that one

10/30/2003 7:10:24 PM

Liverpool , England

Yo Joze,
Do you take Credit cards..and the wife's arm and leg?

10/30/2003 7:38:06 PM

Brillion Wisconsin

100 bucks an hour plus a arm and a leg, thats nothing. I will pay it!! My company charges twice that amount when they send me out, and I just make stuff up. Hey joze, how much for a house call to Appleton? I need advice on which way to point my plants, into the sun or away from the sun or perpendicular? lol Deano

10/30/2003 8:47:15 PM

joe you have WAY too much time on your hands. free advice shannon? he he.

10/30/2003 9:50:56 PM

Montoursville, PA

As a wooden water tower owner you should be able to float a freebe answer. If your patch flooded three feet and the tower rose straight up with the water....how many twelve inch steps would be needed to reach your floating first tower step from a rescue boat?

Wait until next summer. You may need this knowlege!

10/30/2003 10:18:30 PM

Deer Park WA

Joze, can I get the "#1 secret that all heavy hitters don't want you to know" for say $50.00 an hour and you can just go over it and over it untill I get it right?
Gerry...

10/31/2003 1:36:51 AM

In the shade - PDX, OR

Hysterical.

That is some good msg board humor.

Thx Tom & Joze for providing such a service.

Who knows, you might get a few offers on your consulting....

10/31/2003 1:52:33 AM

Deer Park, WI

Ok folks, we're overwhelmed with requests. Just have a look at the picture from last night in the office, it tells all. Its in my grower's diary. For all those with questions, i have to refer you to the consulting service. But since were just starting out, ill tackle a few from the posts above for free. First off, our office is located ON THE MOON...end of story. Gore is a product of the great big nasty left wing machine...therefore he is indeed a robot. Sunlight causes recessive traits, so you would want to point your plants away from the sun. Zero steps doc, zero steps.

When you check out the pic, Im the dude with the medium-sized biceps answering the phone. My views on flamingos are demonstrated in my wall art. keep that phone ringing folks!

10/31/2003 9:41:53 AM

If your business explodes like it very well should, perhaps you two would be in need of a secretary to direct phone calls etc. If need be, you know who to call. He he. As for the flamingo hater paraphernalia, I think that would have to be negotiated before my services would be offered.

10/31/2003 11:33:39 AM

Indiana

The flamingo hating sign has been removed.

Tom from Joze n Tomz

10/31/2003 11:42:28 AM

South Hill, Virginia

Joze & Tom,

I was just looking at that picture and it's creepy how much you guys look alike. Does everyone in the upper mid west look that way or are you too guys related?

10/31/2003 12:33:59 PM

Chippewa Falls, WI

If you notice svrichb even Joze took an arm and leg off of his own counterpart Tom...Brigitte you may want to think about joining this crowd. Initiation maybe losing a arm and leg... And is it really worth it.lol

10/31/2003 1:30:16 PM

Deer Park, WI

Yes, since this buisness was my idea, i had to charge Tom an entrance fee. That being an arm and a leg. Very observant of you April, congrats you just earned a free hour's worth of consultation. Brent- the camera we used wasnt very hi-tech. SO much so that it made us look similar. Such is not the case by a long run. Tom and I look very different. He has that goofy Indiana nutcase look to him, whilst i possess that very suave wholesome Wisconsin appearance. Brig if you want a job as secretary you'll have to suck up to Tom. :) I dont make those desicions.

10/31/2003 4:25:54 PM

Garden State Pumpkins

Yikes Guys!!! Can't believe how fast the internet business stuff can take off....if you need outside consultants I'd be glad to take your overflow for ....let'say 40 bucks an hour....send you the extra sixty...as franchise fees...
NJ Weed and associates

10/31/2003 10:37:03 PM

Webster, NY

If I just give a leg, will you help me grow a 500 lber?

11/1/2003 10:24:59 AM

[email protected]

Perhaps if you make a public stock offer we can jump start Wall St into thinking the roaring 90's are back.

Joze&TomZ.com?

The "new" dot com golden child for the 21st century?

11/1/2003 12:15:47 PM